See a rainbow? Red = love, Orange = intimacy, Yellow = friendship, Green = jealousy, Blue = trust, Indigo = integrity, Violet = respect.

An overview of some things that I enjoy and miss doing: The surprise that I had spent months planning for who is now my ex-wife and me was a special Carribean cruise just for us with she and her mother's surprise for me being divorce papers filed on a Friday even though my (then) wife and I both said to have a good day as I left for my work to be frank. I enjoy giving surprises like flowers or cards for no real reason. There is also horseback riding, shopping, several different styles of art and photography, giving (and receiving) massages, parenting (which I miss), painting crafts, cooking at times, business planning and development, looking forward to being home again as soon as possible, working together as a family, and a long list. So imagine the surprise. I was "old" at age 40 and didn't know it.

In short, any woman reading about me needs understand that I have a lifetime either firsthand witnessing or personal, practical experience with the saying, "Beauty (most often interpreted as physical attractiveness but wears multiple layers and clothing or wiles) is skin-deep; ugly decays even the (bone) marrow." [I think that I correctly translated this Russian idiom from Russian into English back into Russian but could be wrong. A vast number of other linguistics, cultures, societies, religions, and so forth have very similar, traditional sayings that apply equally to both genders and of all ages.] Another like saying is that the only true beauty is accepting one's own naked truth (and being) as another's or any other's as best as is humanly possible. I have--and perhaps always have had--a difficulty with the second saying. If someone were to ask me what my worst mistake was, then my reply is allowing myself be talked into telling my biological father that my now ex-wife (but not then) was pregnant to be frank. That desire to believe different despite overwhelming evidences to the contrary, I had hoped that even this joy for me and others would change the harsh reality how deeply a parent can resent one's own child to see nothing wrong with extending this resentment toward even that parent's unborn grandchild
henceforth and without conscience.

Did you finish this first paragraph? Then pause for a moment and be both as objective and also reflective as possible. Imagine a rainbow and its simple, non-assuming, own natural beauty. As a whole, a rainbow can almost reachable if clear and strong enough; that passionate bow blushing rouge; such almost citrusy sweet juices of intimacy like a fresh-squeezed orange; friendship cascading that can taste so sour without a blend of honey-thick being; then the cool tingling of mints or pines so green; royal hue of blue as trusting as the banks; who can describe how warm and comforting that blankets one with integrity; and depths of respect upon which all these other bows arch but can also be easily bruised or appear rotten if treaded too much or without care or self-discipline.

Romanticizing aside and to be realistic, my interests include appreciating both true art and almost any science. Having an agricultural background throughout my youth, the mention of actual horses has my attention almost as quickly as going shopping, which not being able to speak, read, or write Russian when going to the markets only presented a challenge with communication. No centre of the city for me but where people are willing to be patient and understanding. Able to laugh with me rather than at me.

I know how Slavic people are, can be, and can become, both good and not so good. My daughter is one-half Russian, conceived in Siberia where her parents (my now ex and I) had first met then later married before we came to live in the United States. My now adult brother (was stepbrother) chose remaining to study in Ukraine rather than in the United States, and I don't know which to be more proud. Dialects of different regions sound as different as even in this country alone and still sound as most beautiful music like the hoofbeats by a horse upon the ground. The smells where native peoples live (not the centre of the city) being near as wonderful and refreshing as those natural scents that a one-woman man knows belong to uniquely her, perhaps similar to but still different than even her own mother, sister, niece, daughter, or anyone else. What can compare to the comfort and warmth of two minds and hearts mingled, tangled together almost each and every morning much like stores while shopping together or candlelight flickering or dishes and laundry at home where a man yearns to be. I am one who doesn't believe that any real father "babysits" but cherishes time shared anywhere with their child whether reading before bedtime or choosing some special surprise together for his woman, the child's mother. But I know that even a simple card to encourage her when she might feel discouraged, another arrangement of flowers or a houseplant both will like, and many other small things to include that heartfelt desire to be ever faithful are not always enough. I know how competitive Slavics can be--or become--as occurs everywhere throughout every age. To me as to my own mother and both sets of my own grandparents among others, family is not about social status, politics, or unhealthy gameplaying but a real commitment. Not a contract but a covenant made and renewed every day.

First, I am a former fiction writer but unpublished although told I was very good. For who is now my ex-wife and mother of our daughter, the burning passion to be a real husband and a real father was much stronger and much more wonderful than anything that I could have begun to imagine or write. I have no regrets of surrendering just this one dream or goal for what was reality for years. Being a family man, from good days and not so good days. There is more of course.

Many males might imagine undressing a woman even "with his eyes" or his gaze, and she can feel it. What about imagining her fresh from the shower and dressing her instead? Even the scent of lingering shampoo and body wash to fragrances in her cosmetics and smell of her perfume? And of course her clothes, drinks, and other tastes and styles. Let other males look at how a woman's physical beauty might be enhanced yet her true inner beauty remain a faithful, delicate, respectful mystery.

Capturing natural beauty but more landscape or waterscapes and other similar scenes is more my style but will be somewhat familar with topics from fashions, lifestyles, some society and cultures, and cuisines. I am a flirt and enjoy seeing even another's "woman" feel good and appreciated but take her (and him of course) remaining faithful to each other very serious unlike even my own father. So I know that I'm "dangerous" as worded by several female friends and acquaintances. I intrigue and am very traditional but with more an exotic than erotic mindset. The goal for me is "notches on the bedpost" being for only one woman. Each "notch" is for waking with the only two scents on the pillows being the same day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year. A child's or children's scents sometimes is a different story as a parent knows to expect, too, in a home. It's wonderful looking forward to being home again although traveling and going other places or inviting people can all be very enjoyable, too.

My ex-wife is native Russian. 😃 I know that Slavic woman can be a wonderful wife and good mother. I am like the t-shirt and jeans I wear. I can wear almost anything, but I miss being home with a family.

I still read, take notes, write, make notes, edit, and rewrite some parts very much. It takes much time. This means I do a lot of research. I like shopping, nature and natural photography, singing (and performing) karaoke, and am people oriented. I learned that I do like traveling but cannot do it as much as I like.

Being divorced and missing being the real parent (meaning as spouses being a parenting team) is like having a heart jerked from your chest then also being disembowled mentally, emotionally, and psychologically for someone who considers being a family to be the best and most important job. Superficial appeals aside, she feels that anyone who encourages unfaithfulness and cheating should be considered an enemy. Even if the person or persons might be her own or his parent (or parents) or other relatives. She thinks about the real child (or children) and the child or children's best interests first. Realistically speaking, true immaturity can continue well into and throughout adulthood even for people in their 50s, 60s, and 70s at least. Sometimes "being a little girl or little boy in an adult body" is naturally to be expected but not as or becoming a lifestyle bluntly stated. Neither of my grandfathers nor my (deceased) mother among others led me wrong but made mistakes as all humans do.

A woman who is a mother will have both advantages and disadvantages in this regard over a woman who hasn't. A woman who has been through a divorce will also. So a woman who neither seeks nor wants to be either perceived or believed to be "social status", "a means to the end (or the ends 'justify' the means", or novelty among other things can sense the hidden message in the paragraph. I have a daughter who is one-half Russian with me being no more or less proud of her maternal history and heritage and what it means from Alans, Scythians, Monguls, Tartars, Greeks, Slavs, Viks, Cossacks, and know am forgetting many.

========== Below begins who "she" is =====

For me to think that a perfect woman doesn't exist is to think that asking her to "change sides of the bed" to sleep is absurd...unless her reply would be "I sleep on the top side, and I am not sleeping on the bottom side." [smile] In this way, we might be too much alike.

She realizes that sense (and scents) means more both for and to me than sex. What am I supposed to do with a "tigress in the bedroom" as one saying goes. For someone who had both a cousin who was a model, another cousin whose parents owned a photography studio, and has been acquainted with both local and international fashion for decades, she knows that who and what matters to me is respecting different definitions of modest, decent, and vanity can have absolute extremes. Many photographs tell more about the photographer than either model, pose, or anything else. Like a horse "already knows" if or how much business or personal experience a person has almost even when approaching the animal, some appear more like pool (a form of billards) shots when the ball is more natural for bowling, basketball, or volleyball. Whether shopping or at a beach (any kind of waterside) or even having been on a cruise, her not noticing both genders and both genders regardless of age or marital status not noticing her is a lie no matter how much or little or what a person wears to be frank. If she enjoys shopping together, then we have something in common. I enjoy dancing, too, but am not good at it but recognize the difference between for recreation or exercise and for other purposes.

She would know and recognize those near subtle (old habit from other past and currently present experience) indications that I most likely am about to become a hypocrite (Greek word for actor on stage) especially at church when it comes to singing. Singing "Girls, Girls, Girls" or "Welcome to the Jungle" gets me almost excited when performing, "working" the crowd or clientele at a karaoke bar even though where I would much prefer being is cuddling with "my (one and only) woman" with songs like "Faithfully" and "Close Enough to Perfect" being chosen to encourage people to dance slower, more romantic songs.